First town hall meeting in Iowa


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Now that Beto’s in, we have to show some activity here! He’s going to walk all over my candidacy if I don’t get in the ring!

So let’s do a virtual Q & A at a virtual town hall in Iowa. That’s where people ask any questions they like, and I give any answer I like.

Q: Aren’t you just the beneficiary of white privilege? Why should we vote for you just because you’re good looking?

G: Are you saying that I’m handsome because I’m white?

Q: Not at all. I am suggesting that you are racist because you’re a privileged white male who has never had to deal with marginalization.

G: I see. Are you racist?

Q: No, because I’m aware of my privilege.

G: You didn’t say awareness has anything to do with it. You said white privilege makes you racist.

Q: Just answer my question. Do you benefit from white privilege, yes or no?

G: That ‘yes or no’ locution drives me nuts. How many questions in politics are yes or no questions?

Q: Answer me, man.

G: I don’t owe apologies to anyone. If you want to turn race relations into a matter of white privilege and white guilt, go ahead. Let’s hear from someone else.

Q: What do you plan to do about climate change?

G: That’s an absurd question.

Q: How come?

G: I didn’t mean to be impolite. Thanks for not taking it that way.

Q: No problem.

G: So what was the question again?

Q: A lot of people think climate change is one of the most serious problems we face. What do you think we should do about it?

G: What did Chicken Little say when she ran around the kingdom with her warnings about the sky?

Q: Huh?

G: If Chicken was right, there was nothing the king or anyone else could do about the problem. If she was wrong, no one needed to do anything.

Q: So you want to say it’s not a problem? Or that it’s a problem but we can’t do anything about it?

G: I’m saying that wherever we might stand in the earth’s warming and cooling cycles – and we seem to be emerging from the mini-ice age that began several centuries ago – it’s absurd to think that a goverment can do something about it. What was Chicken thinking when she went to see the king?

Q: She wanted him to do something!

G: Look, I’m not sure how things are here in Iowa, with rough winters and all, but where I come from, government can’t even manage to fix potholes. Those people collect astronomical taxes on my house, but they can’t maintain the roads. If they can’t do that, what do you think they’ll try if we tell them we want to lower the earth’s temperature?

Q: You haven’t said what you want to do about it.

G: Humanity has always had to adapt to difficult circumstances: nature’s a harsh mistress, they say. If I need to adapt to milder temperatures between ice ages, the last place I would go for help is a government official. I’m running for president. That’s a government official.

Q: That’s it?

G: I would say, “Chicken, you’re talking to the wrong guy.”

Q: I’ll be damned.

G: Next question.